Coaching Through the Storm: Supporting Athletes with Harsh Inner Voices

At some point in your coaching career, you're going to meet the athlete who is more than realistic on their own abilities. The main question is "How do I handle this player?"

Coaches, whether you've been around the game for decades, or you've just started your journey.... we've all met that player who was either exposed as the lowest player or tells himself he IS the worst player. This topic is so hard because in certain situations, coaches care about wins and losses over development wh

ile others are the opposite. Now, please know that I'm not saying anything negative towards caring about wins and losses, we still want to have a lineup that competes. However, the mental well-being of our young athletes just as important?

One term I always hear about the great coaches and what they have in common is that they're a "player's" coach. Meaning that the players naturally gravitate towards them and will do whatever they can for the coach. These are the real impact makers!! Believe me, there are successful programs where the coach knows his stuff, players are good, but the players have a hard time playing for the coaches. This is not as common, but it has happened, at ALL levels.

So, to be a player's coach, you've got to be invested in each player no matter the ability. When you invest in the player, you have more stake in their development, especially an emotional stake. When they get better and succeed, you enjoy the moment of being their smile and happiness. When they struggle, you take it personal and try to figure out what went wrong and how to grow from this experience. Every time a player steps into the box, gets ready to take the groundball or flyball, steps on the mound to throw a bullpen, or get behind the plate to catch, your focus is on them and THEM ONLY!

Yeah, coach I get that, but I'm not very good, I'm just terrible. I might not play anymore!

Have you heard that before? I hope not as that's always hard to hear an athlete say that about themselves. If you have, how have you handled it? Were you brash? Did you fill their head with lies? Or were you giving a positive message that made them feel you were counting on them?

That last one seems a little obvious right?? Of course, kids love the praise and attention. But you have to mean it when you speak to your players each time. Kids might young, but they're smarter than the credit we give them. A lot of the times these are kids who show up and give you everything they have but can see where they stand in the program. It's our job as coaches to make sure that every single player on the team or in the program feel like what they do matters. It's just like running a business or being a manager, if you do what you can to LEAD and take care of your employees then they will stay and work hard for you. If you choose to be a boss and all you care about are the results that make you look good, then your turnover rate is going to be mighty high!

Take that player to the side and just ask them, "why do you feel that way?" Let them get it off of their chest, a lot of times when you give the kid or teen a chance to speak one on one, that's when you get the honest, vulnerable side of them that they hide form the crowd. Don't just ask and that's it, LISTEN! Understand what they're going through and talk to them, make them feel comfortable. Nothing is worse when you're out in the middle of nowhere with nothing to help you, no tools, no support, NOTHING. Be that support that they've needed the whole time. You sometimes never know where that child has been or is dealing with in their life. Find a way to be that person they can talk to, help them, but most of all, make them feel like they're somebody.

Don't be that guy that only cares about winning. Unless you have a major contract being advertise by ESPN, then there's a shift because that's your job. But even then, listen to former players of those big-name coaches, better yet listen to those coaches. They get it, and more importantly they use what they portray to the media and everyone listening. Think about a time that you needed help but didn't get it or was looking to talk to someone but couldn't find it. Make that impact that will leave a lasting impression in our athletes!!!